Holiday Tax Expectations

December 21, 2007

There’s a lot of talk of silly tax policy now-in-days. Every politician seems to have some funny gimmick that will tax some group to pay for a program for some other group. So with the holidays upon us, here’s a list of new taxes we wouldn’t be surprised (for better or usually for worse) to see proposed:

Egg nog and Christmas cookie “fat” tax

They are staples of the holiday diet, but they’re also the cause of the ever-expanding American waistline. Therefore, it’s time to tax these holiday favorites into oblivion.

Christmas Tree Global Warming Tax

Deforestation is certainly a cause of global warming, so expect that evergreen to cost a bit more green next year.

Menorah Candle Carbon Offset Fee

Burning candles is one quick way to increase your carbon emissions, so prepare to give one night’s worth of presents to the tax man.

The Gift of the Magi Sales Tax Holiday

Perhaps with a bit of incentive from the taxman Jim and Della could have afforded that watch chain and hairbrush outright (though that doesn’t solve the question about the income they gained from pawning the watch and her locks of hair – maybe next year).

Holiday Lights Carbon Tax

Electricity runs on coal and coal equals carbon, so plug in Frosty on the front lawn and prepare to pay.

Ebenezer Scrooge Charitable Donation Deduction

Maybe old Scrooge would have abandoned his miserly ways a bit sooner if he’d had a bigger tax incentive to do so. Maybe Tiny Tim will have the holiday the feast he always wanted after all.

Snow Shovel Tax Credit

Tax policy isn’t just about penalizing “bad” behavior. This year, we’ll reward those who buy a shovel instead of firing up the ol’ snow blower. After all, there will be no more white Christmases for them if they keep up their gas-powered ways.

Coal in the Stocking Carbon Tax

Well, duh. What else would you expect after a year of being bad but an added tax?

New Years Eve Champagne Liquor Tax

Booze is always a favorite target for special taxation, so why not up the ante on the biggest celebration of the year. You’re going to pay for popping that cork this year.

New Years Cigar Tobacco Tax

Tobacco is another easy target, so there’s no reason to leave them out of this holiday tax-and-spend-a-palooza. Puffing on that stogie will mean paying the piper this go around.

and finally…

The Broken Resolutions Fee

You promised to lose weight, you promised to spend more time at home, you promised to go out and volunteer… and broke every single one of those resolutions. You got away with it last year, but not this go around. Break your word and pay the price. After all, if the tax man isn’t watching out for you, who is?

Happy holidays!


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