U.S. to Raise Taxes on Canada to Pay for Deficit

April 1, 2014

In a bipartisan vote yesterday, the U.S. Congress sent a bill to the President’s desk that would raise income taxes on Canadians to pay for the hundreds of billions of dollars of revenue shortfalls caused in the implementation of various popular, longstanding programs that experts agree are just totally unaffordable.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D) said in a statement, “I think we all agree that Americans are deserving of healthcare, education, public parks, and whatever else they want, but asking our hardworking citizens that are the backbone of our economy to pay for these things is ludicrous.”

Wisconsin Representative Paul Ryan (R), who chairs the House Budget Committee, applauded the bill, saying, “we’ve succeeded in repealing all the job killing taxes in Obamacare, including the medical device tax, the employer mandate tax, the surtax on investment income, and bevy of other taxes, all without increasing the deficit by a penny.”

Public discourse on the long term feasibility of maintaining programs like Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security that are woefully designed and unsustainable by even the most cursory of analyses has reached a fevered pitch in recent years. Both Republicans and Democrats agree that reform is necessary, but also agree that getting reelected is nice too.

“That’s where Canada comes in,” said political pollster Frank Luntz. “I’ve looked at the survey data, and Americans are all on board with increasing spending on programs that they get to use now or in the future, but focus groups have shown reluctance to actually pay for things.”

President Obama is expected to sign the bill, which would totally offload our deficit problem onto somebody else, and noted in a speech in the Rose Garden yesterday that 100 percent of Canadians are currently dodging United States corporate and individual taxes by structuring their business and personal income outside of the United States. “We’ve got to stop these tax breaks for shipping jobs overseas,” he added.

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