Tax System Described as “Byzantine”
April 1, 2015
Researchers at Oxford’s Bodleian Library have uncovered ancient parchments detailing a tax code which scholars are characterizing as “overwhelmingly byzantine.”
“When you look at a system like this, all you can do is marvel that it survived as long as it did,” observed Dr. Alp Arslan. “You look for equitable, broad-based systems, but this parchment tells a story of carve-outs and exemptions, sowing the seeds of its ultimate collapse.” Among the peculiarities identified in the parchments:
- Chariots intended for transportation purposes are subject to a half-solidus tax; those to be raced at the Hippodrome may qualify for community revitalization incentives
- Axes are only tax deductible if more than fifty percent of their use is against Ostrogoths
- Deductions for pet moving expenses curiously generous to bear keepers
- Head taxes only imposed for nights when the taxpayer’s head is firmly and unequivocally affixed independently (the so-called “Procopian exemption“)
- High tariffs on fish, flesh, and fowl discourage “selling to Byzantium“
”I can’t make heads or other heads of this byzantine tax structure,” a perplexed John Laskaris, professor of economics and medieval vexilla at Oriel College, declared. “It’s all Greek to me.”