Costumed Characters Gather in Protest of Tax Credit Program

April 1, 2016

New York City officials have voted for a controversial tax credit program in a purported effort to reduce crime in Times Square. The credits will be offered to repeat criminal offenders known to run afoul of the law in the busy district, but who have not committed an offense in the most recent tax year.

The new program received unanimous support from the city council, but critics assail the credits as a backdoor effort to restrict the activity of costumed characters; reportedly, the characters’ pleas for recompense have become increasingly aggressive.

J. Jonah Jameson, editor-in-chief of the Daily Bugle, echoed the logic of the costumed characters in a scathing editorial, but then attempts to flip their argument on its head.

“It is time to push back against these heinous, street ravaging menaces,” writes Jameson. “Nothing else has worked, so it’s time we hit ‘em where it hurts—we kneecap their cottage crime-fighting industry by paying criminals to stay home.”

The masked men and women are not without supporters, though, and the pushback has been energetic.

“Valuable political capital is being cast in an effort to remove masked avengers from the streets. This is as clear an illustration of cronyism as I’ve ever seen tangled in the web of politics,” said Peter Parker, a native of Forest Hills, New York, during public comment to the city council.

Supporters of costumed characters scorned city officials from the steps of city hall, too.

“This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face,” said a scowling Walter Kovacs to a pool of confused reporters, with allies Dan Dreiberg and Laurie Juspeczyk standing at a distance. “The accumulated filth will foam up about their waists, and politicians will look up and shout, ‘Save us!’ and I’ll look down and whisper, ‘No.’”

The tax credits, which the Justice League disparaged as “universally unpopular” in a publically released statement, will be offered to eligible individuals beginning next tax season.

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